What is emotional invalidation?
Emotional invalidation is when a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors are rejected, dismissed, judged, or ignored. (1, 3)
What is NOT emotional invalidation?
emotional validation
What does emotional invalidation do?
Emotional invalidation from yourself or from others can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-isolation. (1)
It says to someone: “Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong.” (1)
Emotional invalidation can create confusion and distrust. (1)
can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and distrust in your own emotions (1)
can contribute to someone developing a mental health condition, such as depression and anxiety. (1)
may contribute to borderline personality disorder (BPD) (1)
What are examples of emotional invalidation?
| Emotional Invalidation Statements | What to reply to an Invalidation statement |
| I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. (1) | |
| Everything happens for a reason. (1) | |
| It could be worse. (1) | |
| You should remember that other people have it worse than you. (2) | |
| * rolling your eyes * | |
| * ignoring the person * | |
| * playing on your phone while the person is talking * | |
| You’re too sensitive. (1) | |
| You’re overreacting. (1) | |
| You shouldn’t feel that way. (1) | |
| I know exactly how you feel. (1) | |
| Just let it go. (1) | I appreciate your perspective, but it’s not as easy for me to just let it go right now. I need to process my feelings first.” |
| You take everything so personally. (1) | |
| You make a big deal out of everything. (1) | |
| I don’t see the problem. (1) | |
| You shouldn’t be so [any feeling the person has expressed] | |
| How do you think that makes me feel? | |
| I don’t want to have this conversation. | |
| Stop making things up. | |
| That didn’t happen. | |
| You think too much. | “Thank you for your opinion, but I value my introspection and thoughtful approach to things.” |
When does emotional invalidation happen?
Emotional invalidation often happens when a person is expressing their feelings or talking about an experience. (1)
Resources
1. https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-you-and-others-invalidate-your-emotional-experience
2. https://www.theodysseyonline.com/other-people-have-worse
3. https://exploringyourmind.com/types-of-emotional-invalidation-that-should-never-be-tolerated/
